Lorene Re-Lighting Her Halo ~2022
We were born with a Halo. and I ‘almost’ lost it with the complications life brought in the last 2 years.
I chose to rise above my ‘challenging state’ and return to my original Halo!
Here is my story.
What an adventure, but what a hard journey, at the same time!
Mid-summer 2020, I had just encountered a traumatic church experience that left me emotionally shattered. I tried my best to just forget about it, but when one Sunday afternoon my nose started bleeding and I could not get it to stop, my gut feeling was that my blood pressure was off the charts. This was confirmed when I went to the doctor’s office on Monday morning. I was prescribed blood pressure medication, and my life was forever changed!
For the first several weeks everything was normal, then I started noticing anxiety creeping up on me, and shortly thereafter insomnia did as well. I consulted with my Primary Doctor, and she prescribed me an anti-depressant, a sleep aid, and a benzodiazepine.
I wish I could have done more homework on the extreme side effects these had...and I also wish the PD would have explained what these drugs do to my brain.
However, I am finding out that they don’t know…
Let’s continue.
I immediately felt calm and was able to sleep for the first time in weeks, so I relaxed and felt I had gotten the help I needed. Several weeks into this program, I noticed the anxiety increased and got worse than ever, so I was advised by my PD to switch my blood pressure medication.
It made no difference.
In my frustration...I decided to reach out to a functional Doctor, who advised me to discontinue the anti-depressant and change lifestyle habits, exercise, eat healthier and aim to get off the benzo. We were able to lower the blood pressure medication, as well as the benzo for anxiety.
However, I was still on the benzo medication! Life was going great! I was able to function and participate normally. But then a year later and I felt the anxiety was no longer manageable, and I started having panic attacks. Again!
I was in constant fear! I was in a very foreign place in my brain!
A forsaken place…entire body tremors, nightmares, brain fog, memory loss, the list goes on and on…the functional Doctor had me try liquid herbs to curb the dependent feeling I had for the benzo. It didn’t even touch it!
So, we tried adding an anti-depressant, herbs, and a different med.
At this time my husband and I had planned a getaway to see family out of state and she assured me that I should be fine. But I honestly thought I was going to die! The anxiety was so off-the-chart harsh, and I couldn’t sleep or relax! It was a very awful experience! (I tried pretending to be calm in the presence of my family, but it just made things worse!)
When we returned from the getaway trip, I contacted my functional Doctor and she said she wishes she could help me, but unfortunately, she can’t. So, I was advised to see a psychiatrist, which I did. The psychiatrist immediately had me stop the benzo and switch me over to an SSRI, along with a low-dose antihistamine.
I asked if I would experience any side effects. She assured me that this will make the transition very easy. However, I was in for a ride straight to the most devastating time in my life!
On my first day of the transition, I was sitting at my daughter’s house, along with my 2 other daughters. Suddenly, my head felt like it was going to pop off! My brain started zapping and vibrating! My vision blurred and I felt like I was burning up on the inside! It was a Saturday, so the Psychiatrist's office was closed. I had to look within myself for intuitiveness on how to cope with this.
I was at such a loss, and I simply took a dose of Ativan to calm everything down! Then I planned to connect with the Psychiatrist on Monday. Once again, she assured me that I would be fine and that I could just drop the dosage of Ativan and start the antihistamine and take it as often as needed.
Of course, I was extremely scared! But I took several throughout the day…and I told myself over and over repeatedly that I will be fine! But the anxiety and fear were unbearable. Somehow the days went into weeks and before long I realized that I must figure out a different route because this, too, was NOT WORKING!
The nightmares increased. I couldn’t function! I had to cancel numerous events that I had organized because I could not even wrap my brain around being able to operate or think. My brain was too overwhelmed and fogged, I had zero energy! I would forget the smallest details.
And then there was this aspect of leaving my “Safe space” ... which was home. The fear and anxiety were not “general”. To be honest, they felt like HELL! When I tried to go to the grocery store...I would go into a full-on panic attack!
I was anxious ALL THE TIME! I couldn’t be with anyone! Not even my children! Isn’t that just WRONG?!
At this same time, my youngest daughter had given birth to her most beautiful, “Miracle Baby Girl” and I was NOT able to help her, which brought me to the most frustrating, humbling, embarrassing crash!
I started asking why I am still even living. Thankfully my hubby would reassure me thousands of times! And my children were the best cheerleaders ever! They believed along with me that I would someday be better and get over this!
I can’t thank them enough for being here for me over and over again and again!! My daughter, Danica, did so much research for me and kept reassuring me that I was going to get on the other side of this!
It is vital to have a STRONG support system in place in times like this! My family had more strength and faith than I did!
The benzo withdrawal blurred my cognitive thinking and processing. I couldn’t make decisions. I couldn’t rely on myself. It took every ounce of focus just to get out of bed to only want to go back into it! I wanted to hide. I wanted life to stop!
I stuck to the suggested written plan by the Psychiatrist. But on my nightstand were 4 bottles of medications!
What?
Why?
How?
I started praying more seriously. I started digging and researching even more.
I was advised to stop googling and stop hanging out with the benzo withdrawal support groups.
So... Where do I go?
I had read and was advised to try several safe modalities, including CBD/THC. So, I started taking it, complimented with a plant-based diet.
During this dark experience, I was so blessed to find some very powerful support people.
One was Steve Farrar. The following 2 texts are just a small portion of the highlights he shared with me. I found Steve through the tapestry of divine connections that were meant to be.
He listened to my brokenness during the night…and never judged my pain.
"Behold, I will bring to it health and healing, and I will heal them and reveal to them an abundance of prosperity and security.” We see two conditions here, healing and health, that God brings into our awareness of being. Healing is temporary. Health is eternal, and it is comprehensive. It takes place at the deepest foundational level of the spirit when we no longer hold ourselves to be insecure fragments of matter, bound to decay, in a universe subject to time. This is the security God speaks of: we are greater than temporal manifestations of matter. The 'body electric' so to speak, is aligned with the truth of Love, which says no disease can ultimately and permanently disorder God Himself, of which, and in whom we exist eternally. He sees what we may see as matter, bound by natural laws, subject to all matters of disorder, as but energy, animated by His Loving thoughts."
"D E E P H E AL I N G.
They have healed the wound of my people lightly, saying, ‘Peace, peace,’ when there is no peace.” Jeremiah 6:14 “Sickness itself may be only a symptom of a deeper malaise, a forgetfulness of Being. The role of the therapist, then, is to give those who suffer the opportunity to regain their health in the sense of physical, psychic, and spiritual wholeness. The Gospel of Thomas reminds us that every human being has the power to heal. There is a therapist within each of us. The Living One wants life in abundance for us in all the dimensions of our being. It is an attitude that is important, and an openness that allows Life to act in and through us.” Jean Yves Leloup, The Gospel of Thomas Physical illness is an opportunity. It is a calling to see the true wound. Cells in the body are a network of interlinked communication points. They are naturally life-bearing and self-healing. It is the mind which speaks life or death. Our cells hear and obey. When confronted with cellular symptoms of dis-ease, let us go deeper into the affliction of the mind. It is here we will find the Spirit of God ministering, interceding with groans too deep for human language."
And many more beautiful healing modalities, connections, prayers, and texts happened to me.
I am incredibly grateful to ALL of you! You know who you are!
Thank you first to my husband, Dan. He was strong when he, too, had no idea at times what to do! He answered every phone call from me and told me that we are going to get through this! We cried together, often.
Thank you to my awesome children! You rock! Seriously. No matter how I was doing they never gave up on me! They saw me whole, healed, and back on my feet!
I am still in so much gratitude - how every step of this healing experience was so aligned with the right people, the perfect modalities, and the exact encouragement I needed to get me from one step to the next.
It was so orchestrated with beautiful answers!
My whole purpose for speaking up, sharing, and caring, is to get the word out that there is hope!
YES… There is life after benzos!
And that we MUST quit prescribing these awful destructive medications!
But I am not done telling my story!
The BEST part of my story!
I have another daughter who had planned her wedding a year previously and the date was creeping up fast! I would lay in bed and wonder how I would be able to attend her wedding. I had promised her that I would be at her wedding! No matter what!
Of course, I am a believer in God. In healing.
It was my brain that needed healing from all the petroleum-induced medications... I had read about a very unconventional modality to heal our body, based on an ancient therapy that had been practiced in many other countries and had been pretty much shamed in the USA. While doing my homework, I found it was very welcoming and worked powerfully for many, many people!
I believe in synchronicities and perfect connections happen in divine order.
My girlfriend, Esther, reached out to me and simply quoted, "I think I have something that could help you and make that you will be able to attend your daughter’s wedding." It was the SAME Ancient therapy I had read about! So, it got my attention!
I welcomed the therapy and sought counsel from established practitioners, which led me to divine connections. Was I able to attend my daughter’s wedding?
YES!
I know many do NOT understand Benzo’s withdrawal and I understand…I just learned to grace those that told me to get over it!
Fast forward to 90+ days later…I am off all medications and feeling alive for the first time in a LONG time!
I am healthy!
I am healing!
And I am ALIVE!
I surpassed the awfulness of benzos!
Thank you urine therapy for assisting me with my oneness!
Thank you, Doc M Witort, P.M.D, for supporting me, answering my thousands of questions, and encouraging me to heal my whole self!
Thank you to other organic, healthy alternatives- that complement wholeness!
I am so grateful to myself for winning this, for loving myself, and for forgiving myself.
To live life fully in happiness and peace!
I am grateful that Christ within me is MY HEALTH!
My halo is re-lit!
My cup is full!
Joy abounds!
I AM HEALTH!
